Well my calender is starting to fill up again which means I am going to be spending a lot more time with other people than the ramblings of my own brain. A refreshment such as this is welcome as there is only so much thinking I can do without going paranoid that everyone hates me – which they probably do but I am going to keep them company regardless. Anyway, before I head off into a period of as little thinking as possible, there is one final thing in my mind that would make a good blog post: the place of honesty in today’s society.
When I say honesty in this context I don’t just mean what everybody says to each other on a high level. What I mean is how honesty is implanted into our minds and where it stands today in popular (un)consciousness. When I look out and examine the people close to me and the people on the street it becomes painfully apparent that we live in a society where we systematically deceive people in order to still appear socially normal. Normal in a world where problems simply don’t exist, everyone is polite and, to some extent, almost a “higher-being.”
I don’t know if it simply a male perspective or the ramblings of a deeply introverted human being but the one thing I don’t understand when it comes to human behaviour are the aptly named, “hints”. It has always remained a perpetual mystery to me why you would want to use body language or small bits of carefully shaped dialogue to relay a message to someone almost as ostentatiously as if you just said it out loud. Why can’t you simply just say it straight rather than give people around twenty different avenues to consider before they arrive at what you really mean? I certainly wouldn’t get offended or weirded (yes spell-checker, that is now a word) out if I was approached directly with a sensitive issue. Ultimately we both benefit in that we can talk over anything on your mind rather than the you just hoping the other person deciphers your “hints” and musters up the confidence you plainly don’t have to talk about it. It’s all just a guess game.
Small rant aside, I don’t blame people who like to drop “hints.” Talking to people when you are worried how they will react is daunting in a world where we have been raised to believe every person is as judgemental as the rest. The fundamental flaw with this pattern of thinking is that everybody is in the same boat and practically nobody will judge you for speaking the honest truth – unless of course speaking the honest truth means you will go to prison for a long, long, time.
And it’s not just “hints” which are products of social dishonesty. A much more destructive emotion to be caught up in this game of social cloak-and-dagger is anger. Being angry at somebody and not telling them – even hiding your feelings from them – doesn’t do anyone any favours whatsoever. You repress your emotions, the situation will not resolve itself and, at worst, you can appear downright bitchy. It’s okay to be angry at somebody but telling everybody but them is just not on. If I have upset somebody I would want to know about it so I can make it better; what I don’t want is everybody else judging me for something I don’t know is causing so much damage.
As a finality to this brief wander down dishonesty lane, I would like to share with you a story of where I have seen dishonesty consume a person to the point where lying to themselves has become the only way they can cope. I have known a particular friend for many years. He had a vibrant personality and we got on famously together. However, it became very apparent to me that he lived in a very enmeshed family and he easily caved into pressure for authority no matter how tentative the authority was. Over time he has alienated friend after friend and it has finally my turn to throw in the towel with him. He turned into a cliché as the only way to justify how he lives and he frequently compares himself and his future to fictional characters.
The deep irony of this example is that I tried telling him but he just got overtly angry. I tried to be honest with him but he just doesn’t take it well and I simply couldn’t carry on being in that kind of friendship anymore. After trying and trying I now try my best to ignore him, let him carry on deceiving himself. I guess I should be a stronger person but I’m not; at least I tried.
Anyway, I hope this short post hasn’t contained to much whining. It is a topic that has been plaguing my mind for a while and at least you can’t say I haven’t been honest about what I think.